So today I finally decided to take the step and inquire about a headstone for Noah's grave. Not exactly how I wanted to spend this beautiful morning. But really, what time is a good time to look at tombstones for your dead baby. There is no good time. Just saying.
So I walk in and kinda just stood there not knowing what to do next. I see 2 different offices, thankfully a lady came out to me & asked if she could help me. I stumbled over my words saying that I was there to see a certain person a family member put me in touch with. Then she asked if I wanted to see something specific. I said I needed something for my son. Of course then I choked up and about started bawling. I tried to suck it up. How can you though? This is certainly NOT something most people have to do for their child. I could tell she seemed sympathetic but didn't know what to say. So she starts in on my obvious baby belly and asks when I'm due. Uh, I'm due the day my son, whom-I'm- inquiring-about-a-headstone for, died. "Oh" I'm met with.
It's ok. I'm starting to get used to the awkwardness.
Anyway, I had to sit there for about 25 min waiting for the gal I needed to see. Amazingly, God provided a text from a special friend who had no clue where I was but needed the extra words & encouragement. (thank you Tracey!!)
Long story short, I got to talk to the gal, saw some of the headstones & got prices. There is a LOT to think about & a lot of choices. It is definitely not something you can do on a whim. This whole process takes a lot of thought and planning.
But doing this just is a painful reminder that it is all so final.
Designing a headstone is something so lasting. So permanant.
It's not easy. What's even crazier....today it's been exactly 11 months since Noah's precious heart stopped beating this side of Heaven. I am due with baby #6 exactly one month from today. Talk about a lot of emotions. It's weird how you can be happy & sad all in the same breath.
Honestly though, right now, I'm more sad than happy. I've got a lot on my mind. More than one person should ever be faced with thinking about (seriously though, I've had my share more than most ever get in a lifetime, I need a break, it's just not fair). Please just keep us in prayer. We've got some things to face in the coming days.