It's hard to believe I am 38wks now. The closer I get to the end, the more nervous I get. It's just all the unknowns, not knowing how to plan or when things are going to happen. And I know at my next appointment on Friday, they will be doing an internal to see if I am dialated at all. Normally I'd be all excited for that, to see if my body is progressing. But I'm scared. At the same time, I am getting to the point that I am ready for the next step, whatever it is.
I am thankful for this time we've been given with Noah. I'm grateful I've been able to prepare for him as much as possible. I've gotten pretty much everything on my "to-do" list done for him. All I have left yet is to pack our bags for the hospital. I can't even begin to explain the rollercoaster of emotions these last few weeks have been. Trying to prepare for a birth and eventual death all at the same time has been beyond draining. I am so thankful for those who have come along side of us to help us bear these burdens. It's been a hard load to carry.
The kids have been doing as well as can be expected lately. They are excited to meet Noah and talk about it all the time. (of course we are too!!!!) I got them each their own disposable camera for the hospital that they are looking forward to using. Hannah has been praying over Noah several times a day lately. It's so sweet to listen to her prayers. This experiance has definitely been growing their faith and giving them an understanding most kids their ages don't have. Makes me wonder what God may be preparing them for eventually!!
I finally got Noah's room all assembled today!!!! It felt good to get that done. But I admit, it was bittersweet standing in the doorway looking in, wondering if we are going to have the chance to bring Noah home or not. And even if he does come home, he won't be sleeping in there anyway because one of us will be holding him 24/7!! I honestly am trying not to think past the current day, because otherwise, I get overwhelmed.
Today, we are all healthy, Noah is kicking and making my insides ache so we have much to be thankful for! And we got to spend fathers day with all 5 of our children. Life can't get much better than that!!!